Marathons Are Dumb

Marathon training is getting old. I'm getting mad that I "have to" go on runs. Whenever I run long distances now, I don't actually have thoughts. I just have Charlie Brown anger squiggles.

What's with 26.2 miles anyway? I heard it was based on the distance some guy named Pheidippides ran at the end of the Greek-Persian War. It's not even the distance that Pheidippides ran. The Brits just decided to tack on an extra couple of miles so the queen could be at the finish line. Total baloney. What's with Pheidippides running to death anyway? I mean, I've seen a few episodes of 1000 Ways to Die so I'm pretty sure you can, but I have never heard of anyone else, ever, die of running to death... unless it was straight up dehydration and heat stroke. Dude should have been hydrating. I mean his job was to be the runner right? Maybe it was his off day and the guy who was supposed to run to Athens was sick or wasn't by his desk or something.

"Hey ahh Pheidippides. How's it hangin? You know that war we've been fighting? Sooo, we just won. And, um, I know today is not your day to be the runner. But Steve isn't at his desk right now and everyone's saying that they haven't seen him all day so I'm going to need you to run to Athens as fast as you can and tell everyone that we won. Thaanks."

The worst part about this was, the Greeks won. Pheidippes could have comfortably jogged, stopped for water, and taken a nap and it wouldn't have affected the outcome of the war at all. He just ran to death because he was happy about winning the war. That would never happen in the US. I mean, look at our country. We just won Iraq
(again) and everyone's like, "Oh was that still going on?" Child please.

Actually, I take the "worst part" back. That wasn't the worst part. The worst part was that he didn't ride a horse. I'm pretty sure those were invented by then. Even better, he could have taken an elephant and just rolled up on Athens like Prince Ali Ababwa. THAT'S how you enter an ancient city with clout. Also, and this is key, you don't die from exhaustion.

Regardless, I'm going to go run 26.2 miles from Marathon to Athens on 13 Nov because it's a challenge and to further prove to myself that I'm an incredible athlete. If you want to be incredible, you have to do incredible.

Keep training,
LSF

PS: I just nouned an adjective. I own English grammar.