Surfcycle Plague 4: Killer

Drunk bros in button down shirts and shiny necklaces with slicked up hair and foreigners of indistinguishable nationality were paying for their gas. I threw out the Twinkies wrapper and empty coffee cup and left the gas station on the east end of the Long Island Expressway. It's a good thing I had a full tank of caffeine because I did NOT fill up on gas.

Fifteen miles later I was near the geographic center of Long Island with an empty gas tank and no gas light indicating the fuel level. I ditched the motorcycle and bushwhacked off the expressway to a country road. I found a street light and started to call my insurance company. I saw a man walking his Great Dane and hung up.

“Excuse me, sir!” I waved my lit phone in his direction as I walked away from the streetlight, “Do you have a gallon of gas I could use?”

He was bald with a grey, maintained mustache and focused V-shaped eyebrows. He was wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt. He looked real serious for a guy walking his dog but not for a guy getting approached by a weirdo in the dark at 10:30PM on a Friday night in the middle of nowhere.

“Yeah, I do. You run out or something?” I explained the situation. He returned in ten minutes in a paneled van with his contracting company logo on the side and a foldable ladder tied to the top. The inside was a mess of paint cans, tools, and a gasoline canister... 

“I used to ride motorcycles too. Until the accident. Everyone has an accident.” Yes, he really said, "Until the accident."

Source

We talked about riding, wrestling (he was a high school coach), and Charlotte, where he went to college.

We added the gallon. It started. 100 feet later, it stopped. “I think we need more fuel,” he said as We continued to exhaust the charge of the battery.

We began to search for a gas station.  We started talking again. We didn't talk about anything important for about twenty minutes (I was wondering how he didn't know where the nearest gas station was) until he broke the casual nature:

“Here’s a piece of trivia you might like. Well, you may already know it.”

“What’s that?”

“There’s a serial killer in the area.”

I was still calm because I didn't really believe him, “Really? Still on the loose?”

“Yeah.”

“As in, has murdered recently and not been caught?”

“Yeah, they found some of the bodies… well body parts at least. Right near where you broke down. Over by uhhh, Wading River Road. It's the Gilgo Beach Killer. I thought it was national news.”

Source

I gave the dramatic chipmunk look and thought of when and how I would have to get out of this.

A leather jacket would SURELY soften the blow of a couple of bullets to the torso as I rolled out of the car and hid in the woods right? I would probably even kill the Gilgo Beach Killer in a one-on-one "First Blood" scenario. I took the junior cadet Leadership Training Course on survival, escape, resistance, and evasion and did all four of those things. No way the GBK was going to take me down. I had my plan for the spear trap laid out in my head when he eased my fears:

“Don’t worry though. He mostly just kills prostitutes." PHEW!!

Keep riding,
LSF

So The Spartan Race Went Pretty Well I Guess

I showed up for my first adventure race this last Sunday with vague expectations. I knew I would have to run a lot, hop over some obstacles, get dirty, and get hit in the gut by some Spartans?/Persians? at the finish line.

Finishing with a time of 52:18 I finished 2/300 in my heat (300, ahaaaa, well played), 4 out of many in my age group, 37/2280 for men and 40/3644 overall. Blew the top 5% thing out of the water.

Success contributors:

1. CrossFit Training: Full body workouts, able to move my weight more easily. Only 2-3 weeks.
2. Effort in Training: I push my limits every time I train. 
3. Effort on the Course: I was connnnstantly passing people which was positive reinforcement. My cardio recovery methods were a slow jog or negotiating the obstacles, others walked.
4. Patience: I learned to take my time on obstacles where falling could result in 30 burpees. I did not learn this until after the stump jump and monkey bars.
5. Hills: I think I'm better at them than most people. It has a lot to do with the fact that I weigh 160 and each leg is a 750CC V-twin.
6. General Studliness: Never thrown a spear before but I nailed it. Didn't even stop to show the girl next to me how to throw it. "DO YOU THROW IT LIKE A BASEBALL?" "Idunno, I guess." You don't.
7. Fun: The race was just plain fun. I had a stupid smile on my face from the second I got there until I went to bed that night. I love getting sweaty, muddy, tired, dirty, bloody, wet, and burned while leaving the general populace crying and puking in my wake. 

Hills are good. Hiiiiiiiills are good. 

Failures:

1. Walked Twice: Once on a major hill about half way through the course and once carrying a 40lb sandbag up the hill in the picture. I hold myself to a higher standard than running at road races but running was not an option at that point. You officially win Spartan Race.
2. Mamby Pamby Face: I was so determined to not get hit in the junk by the guys at the finish line that I believe I failed to meet my other goal of not making a Tom Brady waterslideface at the end. I covered the wedding tackle and took a pugil stick straight to the chest. It doesn't hurt if they don't step into it, loud though. I will you keep you posted on any pictures.
3. Short Sox: Should have kept them long. Booooooo.

Ahh! Spartans! Source

As for everyone else, I saw a huge sense of accomplishment, joy, relief, and confidence on every single person crossing the finish line. It was awesome to see people working together to help their friends when they really needed it. People who were unsure if they would finish had team members and even random strangers screaming them on and grabbing them by the wrist to help them over the next obstacle. It's the type of comradery you only see when intense physical pain is involved.

Even at the shower/hose station, strangers helped each other spray off in their underwear. It was almost like we had gone to war together. I don't like being overly dramatic but it seriously looked like a refugee camp. People accustomed to unlimited hot shower water who take their time with their moisturizing apricot face scrub and peach colored loofahs were grateful just to get a free hose. As cushy as we have made our lives, it's great to see us adapting when we need to. It downright gave me hope for our country.

Keep training,
LSF

Lax Flakes

Summer league lacrosse through Croart Inc. is wrapping up in Boston. I was on a "free agent" team named "Runaway Train".

Of course Soul Asylum's song "Runaway Train" came to mind when I heard the team name. There is some room for debate, but the song is about runaway children and the video features a number of mugshots of missing children in between Instagram-y shots of depressed alternative rock musicians. It was probably the saddest thing I'd ever seen at age nine, but then again, I wasn't supposed to be watching MTV.

Anywho, a "free agent" team is comprised of people that couldn't put together a team or weren't invited to play for one. Basically, it's the I-don't-have-friends-that-play-lacrosse team. Worse than having no lacrosse-buddies is the fact that lacrosse players, especially those that don't have lax-pals, are the biggest flakes in the solar system. We had nearly a full roster show up for the first game and averaged a mighty four players after that. And yes, it was the same four players.

It seemed as if most of the Runaway Train roster had run away from home. It's unfortunate.

Every night we had to recruit players from previous games, switch players over from other teams, and make up new rules for scrimmage-like games. During the last couple of weeks, Croart management shuffled players around and called in friends to fill up rosters. It showed great flexibility on their part. I had a blast with it and will be going back to Croart.

Keep training,
LSF

Surfcycle Plague 3: Sleet

Based on the previous day's jaunt through the rain, I considered myself a seasoned motorcycle rider. Could prolllly go toe-to-toe with Peter Fonda and Ghost Rider. I had stared Death in the face, looked away, looked back at it, looked away, pretended to check my phone, and kept riding once it got bored and walked away. It takes the heart of a lion to make Death lose interest in you.

Say hello to MS Powerpoint's Smart Art. You can't teach this level of PP savvy.

Weeeeelllll, I couldn't look at my phone this time. Independence Day alien ship-like clouds floated above the Garden State Parkway in front of me. I counted mississisppis after each lightning bolt. At the one mississippi mark, a rush of anticipation and adrenaline surged within me that can only be likened to the readiness of Leeroy Jenkins before his dungeon blitz.

Light rain turned into heavy rain. Visibility dropped. Traffic slowed. Some cars pulled over as I plowed through the elements like the Waterboy through an unsuspecting offensive line. Confidence rose. Excited anticipation turned into determined focus.

Plinks turned into tinks as sleet began to hit the motorcycle's gas tank. I started to think about how icy gravel would affect traction and how the balls of ice could damage the bike. I finally pulled over after five whole minutes of the manliest withstanding of a barrage since Braveheart (1:48 mark). The sleet immediately stopped.

Keep riding,
LSF

Surfcycle Plague 2: Rain

We all know that rain is part of summer. It can ruin your fireworks, or your cookout, or your baseball game, or your motorcycle ride. There's not much you can do besides head back inside and watch black and white Spanish TV like the McCallisters in Florida.

However, on the first night of the Surfcycle Sojourn, I had somewhere to BE. I had to go to a someplace where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capastrano. I'm talking about a little place called Staten Island (wait, did that clip say Cincinnati?). I could not be deterred.

I've spent my fair share of time in the rain. Canoeing the Amazon River, patrolling during the swamp phase of Ranger School, and even walking to my car earlier today. So I wasn't about to let a few lil droplets stop me.

The downpour was a combination of sting-ing rain and big ole FAT rain because I was hitting big ole FAT rain at 65mph. The roads were drenched. I had to defog the visor every few minutes and couldn't see a darn thing.

Smack dab in the center of the westbound Long Island Expressway three red lights hovered at eye level 100 yards in front of me. I started to coast. I saw a blob of a man in front of the lights acting as road guard at 50 yards. I recognized the cab of a semi the size of an untransformed Optimus Prime making a U-turn and slammed on both brakes.

The tires skidded as I fishtailed 30 degrees toward the back of the truck and cruised onto the shoulder. The truck finished its turn and I sat on the side of the road for a minute.

We're going to get serious for a minute. Have you ever thought of the worst case scenario and can't even imagine it? I came within a few feet of getting my entire upper body hacked off by an empty flatbed and thought, "At least it wouldn't hurt." I took a few more moments to let my heart rate slow down and carried on in a Churchill fashion.

Source

Keep riding,
LSF

PS: I think the internet overdid the "Keep Calm..." thing. Check out these search results. The only one REEALLY worth making was "Keep Calm and Call Batman". Words to live by.

The Spartan Race is in One Week... I'll Probably Win

So the Spartan Race is coming up to Amesbury, MA this weekend. Ima gettin ready.

I watched a demo on the obstacles that runners face during the Spartan. Boucoups cardio and gymnastics.

Cardio, of course, is any kind of workout that elevates the heartrate for an extended period of time. Gymnastics tests agility, balance, and explosive strength. Think of any kind of exercise where you use your own body weight rather than weights, like pull ups, push ups or box jumps.

I started doing the Workouts of the Day (WOD) for the Spartan Race at my crappy at-work gym (I was a gym orphan at the time) and ditched it after a week. I decided to try real WODs at a local CrossFit gym. I've been doing it for two weeks and come out sore for days every time. The good sore.

I've had some success with WODs that involve low weight, high rep, so I'm hoping that I may be able to finish in the top 10%, but the top spots are going to go to CrossFit fiends from the area.  There's been some love and some hate on the blog about CrossFit so I'll let you know how it goes. May even throw in a gym review.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure I can handle a 5k, a rope climb, a fiery pit, and a couple of guys at the finish line with awesome yet slightly effeminate abs and over-sized American Gladiator Q-Tips.

Cliffhanger photo right here. Would love to see if he actually followed through on the swing. Source

Also, I've been to Thermopylae. The spirit of Leonidas will push me at every step.

Molon labe,
LSF

Surfcycle Plague 1: Heat

Think way, way back to late June in the summer of 2012. Facebook was aglow with mobile updates of triple digit car dashboard thermometers, people updating "SO HOT OUTSIDE!!!!!!lol", or "omg al gore was right!", and others responding, "it's summer, dumdum", or posting a Fox News article refuting global warming. Ah yes, it certainly was fun to share the temperature, politics, and science. We all learned from each other...

MEANWHILE

I was sweating my baguettes off at Andersen Cycle Works in Framingham as they finished installing the saddlebags which would carry my luggage for two weeks and a suit for a wedding the next day (~4 cubic feet for poindexters people who like numbers).

I asked Mr. Andersen for any advice on my first trip. To be honest with you, readers, I was surprised:

"Go fast. Stay in front of all the cars or else you'll get complacent." Kaaaay. I was still taking turns with shakingly rigid arms and thinking through each turn as a procedure in list form. Proooolly not gonna stay in front of all the cars.

"Keep your jacket zipped up. You want to keep your sweat in to stay cool. You'll get dehydrated from the wind." "That is another thing that I am not going to do," I thought... defiantly. Because I don't play by anyone's rules, not even my own, like Craig Hoffman.

I completely ignored the experienced motorcyclist's tips and took off. I stopped every hour to hydrate and show off my awesome motorcycle.

After an hour, my jacket sleeves were stuck to my arms and the inside of my helmet smelled like used gym shorts. Luckily I only had 26 hours to go.

Keep riding,
LSF

PS: Blogging milestone of strikethrough-a-word-and-replace-it-with-something-less-offensive achieved.

The Six Plagues of the Surfcycle Diaries

Bear with a change in scope of the blog. It doesn't have to be all about advice or how you do this or that. It doesn't even have to be about athletic stuff. You, beloved reader, come here for two things: laughs and celebrities.

We exercise to live and not live to exercise... unlike what those hardcore motivational Pinterest posters would have us believe. Well maybe they don't but the hardcore levels reach Way Too High for an endstate of being healthy and being really really good looking.

To satisfy my lust for doing awesome stuff I bought a motorcycle. I two-birds-one-stoned it with a surfing trip I've been meaning to take since last year and went down the east coast for a couple of weeks.

I understand that motorcycles are dangerous. Even if you're a good driver... er rider... er driver, whatever, you're still extremely susceptible to getting hit by cell phone users, the elderly, and nerds.

Motorcycles can only stop so fast and only have so many swerve options. If you're not lucky, you could end up like Lawrence of Arabia, Lance Murdoch (you'll really like this clip if you like barely-audible Spanish), or, worse, Gary Busey. A+ clip of Busey btw, don't miss it.

But seriously, with a weekend course on riding and two days on the roads of Boston, taking off on a 2200 mile road and sea trip from Boston, MA to Wilmington, NC was a major risk which I would not recommend for the weak or faint of heart. It seemed like everything that could go wrong, went wrong. I was visited by the Six Plagues of the Surfcycle Sojourn.

Heat
Rain
Sleet
Killer
Spiders
Sand

Strap in for a Jumanji-like adventure.

Keep riding,
LSF

PS: Is Pinterest still cool? Do people go on there? Is it just for women?
PPS: Check out them sassy sox up there.
PPPS: Just cause you were curious--

I Can Tell You Right Now That Crooked Arrows Is Going To Be A Terrible Movie

"Crooked Arrows" which has coined itself as the first great (Native) American lacrosse movie lands in cinemas nationwide this weekend.

And it's about darn time. Baseball has "Field of Dreams", "Bull Durham", "Moneyball", and "A League of Their Own". Basketball has "Hoosiers", "He Got Game", "Space Jam", and "Air Bud". Even chess has "Searching for Bobby Fischer". Time for lax to hit the silver screen besides American Pie.

Hennyway, it's about a dude who wants to take over his family's casino but must prove himself to the tribe by coaching a lacrosse team. Makes sense. Dude can coach lax, dude can run a casino. I get that.

Source

Looks like there's a good looking lady the protagonist chases after. There's a rival team that is white, rich, has first names like Hunter and Barrett, and is generally arrogant. The Native American team is a ragtag bunch that is not that into lacrosse, their heritage, each other, hard work, or having cool uniforms. But I'll bet our main man can change all that.

So now that my brief overview and that trailer have got you all excited for it, you're thinking, "Sounds like a quality flick, what's LSF's deal? How could this be bad?" Well I'll tell you: I'm not in it.

It just so happens that I auditioned to be in it about a year ago. They were doing a casting call for players in Wellesley and a friend at work asked if I had heard about it. They were looking for talented lacrosse players age 18-25. Well shoot, at age 27, in a helmet, I didn't look a day over 32 and was passable as 25... which was supposed to be passable as 18.

A chance to be a part of the first great (Native) American lacrosse movie? Sign me up.

On a day's notice, I showed up to the audition, not having held a stick in 16 months with kids that were on summer break from their college programs. I blended in ALLLLLLRRIIIIIIIGHT until the agility drills. The cleats I used in high school weren't working on turf. When going from full speed to full stop I fell straight on my butt and was immediately cut from the audition.

The morals of the story?
-Agility takes training
-Equip properly
-This movie is going to stink

Anyway, if you lax go see it.

Join the Tribe,
LSF

PS: I'd say Stiffler absolutely nailed the lax bro part. Chris Klein missed the mark a bit. It wasn't until "Just Friends" that he truly embodied lax braudacity by wooing babes left and right with "Jamie Smiles". Just Jamie in this case though.
PPS: Just looked it up on IMDB and one of the first 20 in the cast is "Tilty Sunglasses Guy". Why have I not seen this twice?

It's Lax Time, Let's Go

Well, the 2012 Major League Lacrosse season is underway and the Boston Cannons are kicking butt. What can they do that I can't?

Well obviously they were all Division I (some D3) standouts in college, can sprint, stop, turn, and shoot 7 times faster than me. They can shoot, pass, dodge, check, and hit with surgical precision. Furthermore, they just won the national, nay, global championship of lacrosse last year it may be safe to say there are some things that they are better at than me. In a rare moment of Long Sox humility, I feel comfortable and correct in saying, that I am not the athlete that each of the Boston Cannons are. Swallow sadness.

Regardless, summer lacrosse leagues in the Greater Boston Metropolitan area are coming up and I don't want to look like a jabroni (defined as "One who talks the talk, but could never walk the walk" on the academic and always reliable website, www.urbandictionary.com). In fact, it would be the bee's knees if I could stand out. Sounds like GOOAL SETTINGGGG TIIIIIME!!!!! (imagine this with your best Oprah surprise voice. Yep...... we got Oprah references).

So Croart Lacrosse hosts a number of Summer Leagues, some of which are by invite only. Not having done my on-the-field-recon, I'm guessing those are for folks who played competitively in college but no longer spend 2-5 hours/day focused on the sport. Which I haven't done since 2002. 

Keep training,
LSF

The War on Inefficient Foot Strikes: Mission Accomplished

I completed the Barefoot Running Festival 5K in a very average 23 minutes and 2 seconds in duck feet. So I thought I'd update everyone on how becoming a runner... went.

I'm declaring victory on the War on Inefficient Foot Strikes. I fully transitioned to a gentle forefoot strike that forced me to put more mental effort into stepping gingerly and efficiently. My evidence is in a 92 minute half-marathon and 68 minute 10 miler with minimal running beforehand.

Here's how I waged the war.

-Barefoot Training: I ran fully barefoot for a quarter mile to 3 miles every other week as a refresher of what right feels like. 

-Minimalist Training: I ran in Brooks Pure Connects, minimalist shoes, to further build calf muscles and stay in touch with the road. I ran progressively longer distances to build the muscle and am able to sustain a forefoot strike for 10 miles. The link above is a great critical article from a true shoeru (GET IT?!), give it a click if you're thinking of getting some minimalist shoes.

-Cushioned Racing: I went back to the highly cushioned Reebok Zigs for races. I was able to run with my new stride without focusing too much on foot placement or reducing speed. I was also able to revert back to a mid-foot strike once my calves were too tired during the half-marathon. 

-Circuit Training: I still push it in the weight room harder than anyone else around me. Upper body, lower body, complex lifts, and Olympic lifts (still setting personal records for the deadlift) are all contributing to cardiovascular fitness. 

-Trying: Seriously, I try. I push as hard as I can without injuring myself every single time I train. Don't get me wrong, if I start to feel a "bad" pain somewhere or lightheaded, I take it easy. However, I'll be taking it straight to the house after I recover. If you do not do this, enjoy your life of unathletic mediocrity.

-Moderation: Don't step off the starting line at a full sprint. Gauge how you feel each mile, estimate how much energy you've got, and pull the trigger on your 90% pace as much as possible within the last few miles without having to cross the finish line on a stretcher.

Real runners, I'd glad to hear your two cents on any of those factors. You know what to do.

Keep running,

LSF

10 Milers and More

No excuse. I was keeping the world entertained with about two posts per week and all of a sudden... nothing. I didn't write, I didn't call, I didn't text. I'm sorry. I missed you as much as you missed me, reader. Here's what I've been up to:

-Ran the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler in DC. Killed it. Murdered it. Destroyed it. Made it go bye bye in a mere 1:08:53 or something. Whatever I did, I did it a lot faster than I expected. A little technique, a little DNA, and a lot of heart can make you do awesome things. Here's the proud picture of me and my mustache at the finish. I'm holding up 7 which represents the number of minutes it doesn't take me to run each mile in a 10 miler.

-Ran the Tarheel 10 Miler in Chapel Hill. When you take me off a totally flat course, it does take me more than 7 minutes to run each mile in a 10 miler. Finished in 1:10:45 or so. 45 seconds off a 7 minute pace. Way too many hills for a personal record that day. Finished 133 out of ~2700 people, pretty happy about it. 

-Hung up the gi for a while. Lost some interest in jiu jitsu for the time being. I saw a lot of improvement but I never got the blue belt I was shooting for. I still have a lot of time this year so I may take a weekend seminar later this year to see if I can boost my skill and get the promotion. It was very sad to go in and talk to the folks I roll with. I learned a lot with the Royce Gracie program.

-Amped up the gym review spreadsheets. I've been buried in Microsoft Excel for the past month figuring out exactly how raw data translates into 1-10 scores for evaluated gyms. Keeping an evaluation as objective as possible has not been easy but then nothing worth doing is... right? This is ongoing and painful. 

-Made a workout routine for my dear mother. Assessed what she can do and what she wants to do and set her up with the best workout plan anyone could come up with. She may eternally, unconditionally, totally love me... but she ain't gonna do these workouts. I've faced the truth, you've gotta get in the gym with people to train them.

-Doing some other things: It's almost time for summer lacrosse, golf, surfing, and a friend just lent me his skates so I'm going to see what kind of an ice-skater I am since I haven't worn blades in 18 years. 

Coming up on LSF: "Reconstructive dentistry and physical therapy" OR "The Bruins better make room on the 2012-2013 roster because there's a new sheriff in town."

Keep training,
LSF

UPDATE: If stopping is not important, NHL here I come. 

Duck Feet

I took the coward's way out of the Barefoot Running Festival 5K by taping up my long sox with duct tape. It gave that minimalist feel without the gravel-induced, skin-tearing damage that Boston paths, roads, and sidewalks invariably cause.

To toughen up my feet for this 5K, I dried them out by walking around barefoot. I cracked my feet on a redundantly long walk which caused open wounds. I didn't want goose poop to infect the cracks and inhibit performance at the Tarheel 10 Miler next week so I went with this skin-protecting, minimalist solution.

Here are some photos for your eye-buds:

Duck Feet

Starting line photo op. The epicenter of the barefoot movement.

Duck feet, duck lips. OR Too sexy for my shoes. You pick.

It really happened. Groovy crowd.

It was this dude's first time ever running barefoot. He paid for it but kudos for sucking it up.

The staff was ready for him.

And my damage. None on the left foot though. Not a terrible wrapping job for a rookie.

Keep running,
LSF

PS: I highly recommend attending one of the New England Barefoot Running Meetups if you're in the area and want to get a free lesson on how to run barefoot. World-class instruction from some of the pioneers in the movement. Sundays at 1PM by the Hatch Shell. Chill, nice, welcoming folks.

I'm Really Lucky That I Have Super High Metabolism. Oh Wait My Metabolism Is Normal.

It's time to get emotional.

I'm tired of hearing this: "Long Sox, you're lucky you have high metabolism, that's why you can eat donuts and drink beer and not get fat. I am fat and have low metabolism, woe is me!"

Source.

BUUUUULLLLLLLL-oney

I exercise six times a week and burn 1000 calories each time which takes 60-90 minutes of HARD WORK. I do not lift a thing here, lift a thing there, dab my brow, chat up Suzie on the elliptical and spot Ronnie at the bench press. It's lift a lot, sweat a lot, run hard, train like a freak.

For some perspective, an average man burns about 1000 calories running 8 miles. That's 48 miles/week. Hit the road and we'll talk about who's lucky.

Angrily,
LSF

PS: If you're fat, you have high metabolism cause guess what, it takes a lot of energy to move around that spare tire.

Wait a Second. Weren't You Supposed To Have 6 Pack Abs By Now?

By the standards set forth in Article 1 of the New Years' Resolution Proclamation of 2012:

"Resolved: Get 6 pack abs in 4 months.
Plan: First 3 months, lose 15lbs of fat while maintaining muscle through Jiu Jitsu, running, cardio lifting, and yoga. Lose ~622 calories/day (4354/week, 18660/month). Maintain a daily caloric count to stay on track, weigh in weekly. Consult nutrition expert if plateau'ed, expected around ~1 April."

So the results for 1 Apr (plateau date) are in. When the light is just right, I pull the fat down, and flex you can see all 6 abs. So in a way, I did meet it, but I had a natural look in mind.

Big picture, what are the changes that took place?

-Eating Habits Changed: I cook more, eat more produce, and snack more. I don't do anything "less". In fact, I can count the times when I was hungry and didn't eat over the past 3 months.

I better understand when I'm going to be hungry or not. Obviously it's when there is a caloric surplus or deficit, but usually delayed until the day after.

-Exercise Habits Changed: I am in the best cardiovascular shape I have ever been in. I nearly ran a 90 minute half marathon (max training run was 7 miles, once) and a 10 miler in a sub-7 minute pace. If you had asked me on 1 Jan if that was ever going to happen I would have asked you where the rest of your clown posse is because you are insane.

Since adopting the heart rate monitor, I usually push for 1000 calories per workout which takes between 60-90 minutes of pure hustle. I have 100% converted to cardio-lifting circuits to maximize time spent at the gym and burn off flab.

-Appearance Changed: I hover around 156-159 (6-10 lbs less than the baseline) and have a much more athletic apperance. Veins are showing up sometimes on calves and quadriceps, frequently on my biceps, hip flexors (private viewing only), and all over my forearms. Freak status.

My cheek bones look higher and jaw is more defined. Chicks dig it.

Fitted shirts are looking gooooooOOD but pants are not. I suffer from the poopy-pants-effect from having to cinch the belt tighter on the same old pants. I'd go shopping but this weight is coming back in the fall when I'm busy with school. Also, I hate shopping for anything I can't find in a sporting goods store, electronics store, or booze store.

Source

So I reached a point at which I am happy but don't have a stand-alone 6 pack. Alas.

Keep training,
LSF

PS: The dude in the picture spent way more time on that 6 pack than it's worth. They have T-shirts for that.

Rating Gymtensity

Reviewing gyms is awesome. Here's how you do it. Just show up with your lime green book labeled "RECORD" (thanks US Government), start jotting down notes on your super-awesome color coded sheet of judgement, and ignore funny looks from people who wonder why you're such a creeper. You can sneer or raise an eyebrow to let everyone know something is unusual but don't directly look at anyone when you do. Make sure to do all this AFTER your workout: sweat cred.

So this is where your (you the readers's) feedback on "What To Look For in a Gym" is going, straight to the notepad of verdicts. I've gotten some good responses by keeping my eyes and ears open at the gym, office, and coffee shops. However, there's a knowledge gap on my part in a key area: the intensity factor.

People want a gym where the intensity matches their own -- where they can find the gymtensity* equilibrium. People go to the gym where they feel comfortable. You may be on the "chill" end of the equilibrium if people around you are sweating through their shirts and drenching their towels while you use your towel for the occasional forehead dab. And you may be on the "focused" end of the equilibrium if you find yourself rolling your eyes at the pizza and bagels your gym uses to reward its hard-working members.

I've started a list of evaluation criteria to gauge gymtensity in order to back up my hard-collected gym data. Here's what I've got:

+Grunting

Source

+Weight Dropping

Source

+Too little clothing: eg- short shorts on men, sports bra top for women

Source

+Staring: to observe an exercise for knowledge or lust

Source

+High weight: too high

Source

+Sweat on clothing

"Haha! Look how sweaty I got during my workout! Haha! Source

+Protein drinks

Extra gymtensity points for the no-look sip. Source

+Braggadocious clothing

Source.

+Competitive demeanor: hints of workout snobbery

"Oh just warming up." Source

And there are factors that would decrease the gymtensity score:

-Smiles
-Greetings
-Outgoing staff

This list needs some work but most of the bases are covered. I'll evaluate frequency as a multiplier and sum the point value.

To find the gymtensity equilibrium, you should evaluate whether you exhibit any of the qualities above. Be honest.

Feed me back!

Keep brainstorming,
LSF

*BTW, combining two words to make a new one is called a "portmanteau" and it's one of our favorite literary devices here at Long Sox Fitness. The writing snob in me thinks they are overused these days but the desperate comedian in me is having a good time. Either way, we have fun with them. You too can enjoy them at home on this website. Use it for personal entertainment, become the life of the party, or start your own fitness blog. 

Sounds Like the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler Will Just Be The 10 Miler This Year

What's better than running a ten mile course with water on one side and ginormous, patriotic, neo-classical monuments on the other? Running a ten mile course with water on one side and big ole neo-classical monuments on the other while petals from Japanese cherry trees fall on your head like ! Yes, every American's dream, to run the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler.

Yes, the Cherry Tree. The symbol of our country's founding father, George Washington. Yes, George Washington who confessed, "It was I who chopped down your cherry tree!! For I cannot tell a lie!"

His confession of felling the tree embodies everyone else's chopping down of my expectations for the race. Apparently, nobody thinks there will be any cherry blossoms at the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler in 2012.

It was first brought to my attention by the girlfriend of my buddy (and donor of my bib, thanks D, author of Fueled by Iron). Who, tweeting along the Potomac after a run, said, "Lonesome cherry blossoms. Not too many left sorry u cherry blossom ten miler folks @jmegsboston." My hopes sank slightly.

Days later a friend and I were making plans, 

"Sorry I can't this weekend. I'm headed to DC for the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler."

"I don't think there are any cherry blossoms left."

Again, ambition fell. 

Even today, as I spoke to my very own grandmother:

"Hi theah sweethaht!" She exclaimed in her Rhode Island accent. "What's new with you?!"

"Hi Gram! I'm going to Washington DC for the Cherry Blossom 10 Mile Race!"

"Oh, well I don't think there'll be many cherry blossoms left for you."

Et tu Gram?! Et tu?

So unfortunately there may not be many cherry blossoms at the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler. Nah it'll be good. I'm hoping for another 7:05 pace which means 1:10:50 in all. We'll see. I ran a 1:17 on Monday and felt like poop so here's hoping warmer weather, a flatter course and a couple of days' rest will shorten that time.

Keep running,
LSF

What Do You Look For In a Gym?

If you read The Post of Revelations, you learned that yours truly is on a crusade in the Villages of Allston and Brighton to evaluate the highly competitive fitness industry as the one and only Boston Gym Critic. You may also recall the first post scriptum where I admonished, "I need some help figuring out what gets people into gyms and keeps them there..." Well now is that time.

"Why should I help?" you ask. Just think of the hours of free entertainment you've received by reading these side-splitting blog entries. Think of all the free personal training you've received by reading this blog. You've learned so much.  You've learned how to run barefoot on concrete. You've learned how many calories you burn in a day. You've even learned that short white socks don't go with black shoes on white people. (5th on the list when I Googled "Gym Fashion Faux Pas". Athankyou.)

Picture Source. Caption Source.

"But Long Sox, I haven't used any of that information." Not true. You've burned a bunch of calories by laughing at it. We've tightened up your abs, obliques, diaphragm, and increased your lung capacity. You are a better athlete from reading this blog. Don't go reading hilarious blogs all day and expect to be able to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro... But do you think you could pay it forward... back to me? Your feedback would be a great asset to the effort.

It would be awesome, IF, in the comments section below, in an email, on FB, on Twitter, on DailyMile, face to face, in the mail, or by Bat Signal, tell me why you choose one gym over the other. In other words, what do you look for in a gym?

The reason that I'm asking is because the goal of BostonGymReviews.com is to help uninformed gym-goers make decisions as to where to work out. Think about what gets you to go to the free 1 day trial, what gets you to commit to your first month, and what keeps you coming back.

The most obvious reasons are:
-Location
-Cost
-Vibe (intense, chill, etc)
-Features (pool, basketball court etc.)
-Hours
-Classes
-Staff
-Equipment
-Cleanliness 

So that's all folks. If you have anything to contribute, even as part of one of the bullets above, it would be greatly appreciated.

Keep brainstorming,
LSF

The Post of Revelations

Despite the nonprolific last five days, I've been rill busy, just schemin' like a demon.

I’ve been working to steer this blog/website thing in a new direction. I want to make something worth more than a few yucks here and there. Something that harnesses my passions for sweating my buns off, exploring the vast and undercharted expanse of Eastern Massachusetts, getting attention from people on the internet (the true gauge of a man’s worth), and helping those in need…

Those in need are the people in Boston who want to feel better about themselves and have a good time as they transform into superior human beings. They are ready to fight harder, eat better, run faster, and lift stronger but don’t know who to turn to for expert advice. 

Yes. A new age will soon begin for them. For I will bike, run, spar, stretch, and lift the heavens themselves to provide them with answers. I will give my expert analysis on why they should or should not pour from their pores at any old location. Yes I will do this, so that they do not have to carry the exhausting, gruesome, ugly burden of being a Boston gym critic. A job description that exists for only one man. Yes. It is I who will be... THE ONE!

As THE ONE I am sworn to protect the recently graduated from the emptiness and loneliness of being forsaken by their cushy collegiate gymnasia.

I have vowed to defend the traveler. That stranger in our strange land. He who has only a short time in our historic and athletic city.

I have promised to guard the legions of Boston’s new inhabitants who, like me only two short years ago, line the streets with their dented, scratched, and other-state-plated vehicles.

I make this pledge to them, for they have not the experience that I, an incredible athlete, trainer, and tax-paying Bostonian, have forged over the past 30 months in this great Commonwealth.  

Source

The advent of Boston Gym Reviews on bostongymreviews.com is nigh. Be ready.

Keep reading,

LSF

PS: Readers, I need some help figuring out what gets people into gyms and what keeps them there so stay tuned for a chance to affect where this thing is going.

PPS: A buddy of mine said, "I hate how bloggers always write in a tone like they're better than you." Don't know what he's talking about.

Blogging Lessons Learned

Welcome, everyone, to blog post #50 of Long Sox Fitness where the writing is wridiculous, the fitness is fun, and the obscure references are not so obvious. Here's what I've picked up over the past few months.

-People love celebrities. "Six Pack Abs, Only for Sallies?" is by far, our most popular post with over 624 Pageviews from some of you loyal fans...as well as a vast majority of people from the United Arab Emirates, to Bangladesh, to Argentina looking for pictures of Arnold and Bieb's abs. I'm not surprised... but I'm surprised.

-Don't underestimate reposting and getting others involved. "A CrossFitter on CrossFit" is the top viewed post not related to a celebrity, with 84 individual page views. Thank you to Rob B for the  enlightening material, reposts, and personal lesson at XFit Dewitt.

-My main fan base is females age 25-30. Women my age will most often reference having read the blog or outright compliment it (thank you ladies). I always thought I could write for a lame Lifetime sitcom. Pumping out hilarious posts ain't easy and it takes a little booze to get those creative sparks. If you're worried about my health, don't. Hemingway did it. I'm pretty much a modern day Hemingway on the blogosphere. Think about it. He went on awesome adventures all the time. I go on awesome adventures all the time. He liked to fight. I like to fight. He's an Army veteran. Me too. And he drank while he wrote. So I guess I'll be okay.

Source.

-My talent is(ish) humor, my interest is fitness. Kind of like I said above, I get compliments that the blog is funny, not that someone was inspired to try one of my workouts, start running, start exercising, or dieting. I'm not getting a PhD in sports science or trying out for the Patriots, so to think that I can offer any insight into unwritten territory or be part of something that the masses care about (besides Bieber's abs) may be outside of the scope of the blog in its current form. It's funny (sometimes), but lacks focus (unlike our sister blog). I'm working on another project to see if some focus and research won't result in something more relevant to the world. Stay tuned.

-Online journaling is good for you. Public reflection forces you to put your ambitions, character, and reputation out there for your friends, family (even Grandma), and current and potential employers to see. The best way to represent yourself well is to be your best self. Or just lie on the internet... not that I have.

Between marathon training, 5Ks, Jiu Jitsu, weight loss, studying for and passing the personal training exam I have not had a dull or unhappy moment. If you've got the time, write about what interests you, publicly or privately.

Keep reading,
LSF

Cardio Lifting Circuits

I'm supplementing jiu jitsu and running with cardio lifting to increase cardiovascular endurance, increase total body strength, and max out on calorie burn.

What do I mean by cardio lifting? I'm not talking about that class gyms offer, aka Body Pump (which is not bad). But I AM talking about maintaining an elevated heart rate for an extended period of time while conducting full body lifts and cardio circuits.

Advantages:

Burn 1000+ calories in just 14 hours. Source.

+Enormous caloric burn: 1000+ calories over 70min, similar to the burn you get when running, doing jiu jitsu, swimming, or roughly 14 hours of what's going on in this picture.

+Muscle definition: You won't get super muscly with this but you'll get a more shredded, sinewy, fighter type look. Lean and mean.

+Endurance: pushing for 70-90 minutes with a high heart rate translated into success during a 90 minute half marathon despite lack of training by running. My cardio endurance over 90 minutes is as high as it's ever been.

Disadvantages:

-No major increase in muscle mass: If you want muscle mass, high weight low reps is the way to go, that takes patience and focused effort on individual muscle groups.

-Jack of all trades, master of none: Full body exercises prevent focus on any one muscle group.

-Time: 70-90 minutes. You've got a life to live, I get it.

-High Effort: You have to constantly push, if you have juice left at the end of a set, give it another rep. You'll get sweatier than the people around you as you transform into a superior athlete.

-Gear: You need a heart rate monitor (HRM) because you won't have time to manually check your pulse.

Here's the basic pattern I follow:

• Stretch/Foam Roller
• Warm up cardio
• Full body lift
• Cardio, 75-80%
• Weights A and B alternating
• Cardio, 85-95%
• Weights C and D alternating
• Cardio, 70-85% Cool Down

Here's one I've done.

Example:
-Stretch/Foam Roller
-1 Mile Rowing Machine Warmup: 60-70% HR
-Olympic Lift Medley: recover back to 60% HR before beginning the next set.
*Continue this 60% trigger with all other lifts. Once your HR returns down to 60%, start the next set.

-1.5 Mile Run: 70-85%
-Superset dumbell chest press: x12, 8, 6, increase weight each time. Do this on a bench then immediately on a stability ball, so 6 sets altogether.
-Jumping Pull Up: 3 sets x20, I do it on a bar that's about 6-12" above my hands extended vertically. The lower the bar, the easier it is. Get a platform if you're still developing those mad ups.
*Alternate between the chest presses and pull ups to give the muscle groups some time to recover without lowering your heart rate.

If you want to reduce muscle reaction time you
have to Mufasa during your lifts. Pun.

-1.5 Mile Run: 85-95% for advanced athletes, 70-85% for moderate athletes
-Rafikis: sit up on a decline bench with some form of weight in your hands. I use medicine balls or plates and feel like Rafiki from the Lion King.
-Back Extension/Oblique Side Bend: 3 sets, unweighted, 10lbs, 25lbs, decrease reps with more weight

-1 Mile Run: 70-85% Cooldown

Nice work. Grab some water. If you want to make up your own or want me to make one up for you, just send in your goals and I'll be glad to help you out.

Keep lifting,
LSF

PS: I couldn't even begin to think of a good enough caption for the treadmill picture up there.
-This is how you win at treadmill.
-She's not fat, she's efficient.
-"I don't see why people complain, running is just as easy as driving."
-Once you've mastered the Treadmill Sit, try modifying it so you're resting your arm on the backrest. This will better engage your core and condition you for more complex seats like sitting on stools.

Tabata? What the WHAT?

I've heard a little bit from friends about tabata-style training. In short, 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. And during that 20 seconds, volume is at 11. Commonwealth Sports Club has a Tabata class on Mondays so I decided to check it out. We're talking max cardio for basically 40 minutes of a 60 minute workout. One of the best ways out there to burn fat. With the 6 Pack Abs deadline approaching, it's time to get in some serious burnage. What was notable about it?

-The class got barked at. Like Ranger School barked at. "WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING?!!" Simmer down instructor guy. 

-It was my first experience with aerobics and not quite the Eric-Prydz-Call-On-Me experience I hoped it would be. While the majority of the class was female, the look of desperation, pain, and regret was on the face of almost every person in the room. No sexy smirks. 

-Someone's good at everything. The girls on either side of me were not in awesome shape but not overweight. The one on my right could do the rear lunge til the cows come home and the girl on my left could do infinity burpees times a thousand. Diversify your workouts and eventually you'll find your own.

-Tabata class is no place for hardos. For those who are not familiar, a hardo is someone who acts tough at inappropriate times. Think mall cop, the grunting guy at the gym, or LeBron James. This was me for a minute in the class, modifying exercises to make them tougher when I thought, "Gee whiz, class just started. Surely you will get the workout you need, just stick with it." Sure enough, I broke a sweat.

-The very best part of class was the guy in the corner with no weights, no mat, no water, no shoes, and no concept of what normal is. Just picture a flurry of groans, long curly hair, terribly formed/overpaced exercises on a dude with a huge schnoz and zero fat in the first place. I mean everybody in the class looks like an idiot during the exercises but c'mon dude. At least TRY not to look like you've been locked in a cage in a basement in Pulp Fiction and recently escaped to burn lots of calories. I mean, just TRY.

Overall it was nice to get the hang of the tabata rhythm, definitely a concept I will be using in the future. However, I won't be going back to the class. There was a je ne sais quois to some of the exercises that felt extremely effeminate. I'm pretty sure some of the moves were taken straight from here (and I ain't talkin about the awesome part where Crazy Legs stunt-doubled in a leotard and windmilled his way into into our hearts). So I don't think I'll be going back.

Keep up the tabata,

LSF

The Olympic Lift Medley

Between sets of cardio I get down to heavier business. A set I made up while I was in CrossFit heaven, aka Audie Murphy Gym at Ft. Benning, was what I'm calling the Olympic Lift Medley. Olympic Lifting involves lifting a barbell with plates as straight upwardly as possible. It is the best way to get as many muscle groups to lift as much weight as possible. If you're new to lifting I suggest keeping the weight down or getting close supervision from someone with experience. Anyway, here's how the medley goes with links for clarity.

Power snatch, warm up: 45lbs, 5 reps. Enjoy that guy in the clip, I'm pretty sure that's Meatloaf in a fat suit a la Fight Club.

Power snatch: 85lbs, 10 reps. Same thing.

Overhead Squat: 95lbs, 10 reps. The flexibility on the chick in the vid is not earned easily. Stretch out dem lats and pecs to be able to do overhead squats properly.

Barbell Thrusters: 115lbs, 6 reps. Much harder than they look.

Front Squat: 135lbs, 6 reps. Testosterone Nation's clip. You can't possibly go wrong with a name like that. Love the way this guy says "helbow". What is that? A Swedish accent or just Swedish plates?

Squat: 185lbs, 5 reps. Perfect form. Perfect cargo shorts.

Deadlift: 225lbs, 5 reps. Everyone's favorite. It's amazing how much analysis gets put into an act that is essentially grabbing a bar on the ground and standing up. If you want nice buns, I highly recommend the deadlift. It's easy to learn and easy to move a lot of weight. It's also easy to send yourself to the hospital. So taker easy.

From there, head back to the cardio and melt your gut. Don't let your heart rate drop below 60% if you're looking for caloric burn.

Well. I hope you learned something today and might put this in your hip pocket to use in your weight room. Increase the weight if you are the offspring of Batman, Superman, the Incredible Hulk, and Hercules; decrease the weight if you are mortal. You will soon get results like these...

IPhone muscle app, blurry photo, or just the Megaman shredded from shoulder to helbow?

Before I sign off here, I have a confession to make. My form is terrible on pretty much all of these. It is finally time to just give in and get a month-long membership to a CrossFit gym. AHEM. CrossFit Box. Time to cash in all those bonds my aunt got me when I was 9 and maybe take out a loan from the VA. I will keep the masses notified when that begins.

Keep lifting,
LSF

PS: That was an expensive gym membership joke at the end there. Getting tortured for 15-20 minutes a day ain't cheap.