My Heart Rate Monitor is a Big Fat Phony

The sensor in action.

There's a feature on my RS300X Heart Rate Monitor from Polar that allows you to see how many calories you've burned in a workout. In an effort to recalculate my basal metabolic rate after a 9lbs loss, I decided to be the psycho at the office who wears a heart rate monitor all.... day..... long.

This means readjusting the strap around my chest.
"Is that a bra dude?"
"I'm wearing a heart rate monitor."
"Okaaaay."

This means keeping the sensor wet by faucet to accurately find the heartrate.
"Is that pit sweat or are you lactating?"
"I'm wearing a heart rate monitor to calculate how many calories I burn in an average day. I have to keep it wet for it to work."
"Okaaaaay. Weeeirdooooo."

Not a look you want at the office.

This means keeping the heart sensors moist by licking a finger and moistening sensors when faucets are unavailable.
"Are you licking your thumb and rubbing your nipple?"
"I'm wearing a heart rate monitor to calculate how many calories I burn today to double check my basal metabolic rate. I'm calorie counting to get a six pack. The sensor's not picking up the signal cause it's not wet so I lick my thumb and put the saliva on the sensors."
"First off, you better put those Kellogg's Assorted Fruit Fruity Snacks down if you're going to get a six pack. Second, quick licking your nips in the middle of a meeting. FREEEEAK! You're fired!!"
Well that didn't really happen, but you can imagine what it would be like if it did. It was a telecon anyway.

Oh yeah, and the monitor said I burned 4322 calories that day. I went to the gym for 45 minutes. I trained like a freak but I'm not training for the Olympics, patrolling the mountains of Afghanistan, or swimming the English Channel. The equipment may be faulty. The RS300X is a big fat phony!

Keep training,
LSF


PS: That is one of my all time favorite Family Guy clips. Seth MacF constantly killed it in the first three seasons before Fox killed his show. Season 4 wasn't bad either. Nowadays, you'll probably get the exact same amount of laughs as the good old days, but it's spread across Family Guy, American Dad and the Cleveland Show. Just sucking up 90 minutes of your life for what used to take 30. Every single show jumps the shark at some point. If it hasn't, it'll be back. It's the circle of sitcoms.

PPS: My proof reader/editor is out of town this weekend getting her half marathon on in Miami this weekend so this is a finished product of yours truly alone. I apologize for any the typos.